What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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