...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
