i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
whose parrot is this?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
