naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
