I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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