Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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