I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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