I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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