so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And then he peed in my hair
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