Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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