Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
