I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
