You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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