I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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