Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
