Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
