He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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