I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
