Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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