Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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