I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
