I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
