she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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