i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
