Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
