You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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