a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
