my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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