she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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