apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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