my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
