I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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