..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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