So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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