WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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