Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize