You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
