we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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