Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Randomize
