Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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