Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
