sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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