My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
