Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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