She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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