I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
