Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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