Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
