How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
