May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
