apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
