I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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