I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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