this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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