I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
