Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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