I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize