you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
