what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
