Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
