So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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