Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
