I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
