Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
