I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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