doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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