I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
