I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
