Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
