i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
