i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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